It’s not fate. It’s the army. I used to think that everything happened for a reason. These days: everything happens because the army told us so. I’m not even in the army, but in a sense, our whole family is.
In roughly four months from now, we are supposed to move to the west coast. I say “supposed to” because honestly, nothing is certain until you actually see your household goods being packed onto the moving truck. Orders change.
Oh, you may get to choose from a list of places you would least likely hate to move to, and probably get stuck with the one you like the least.
Right now, I’m in the denial phase. It’s a phase that every military spouse goes through at some point, whether they would like to admit it or not. I say at some point, because maybe for you- this time around- you get to move somewhere that you actually want to live, or are excited, even happy about.
This may sound bad, negative even. You may hear some whining. After all, this is the “we don’t want to move” denial phase. It’s so not like me. This is where anything you’re going to say to me about how wonderful it might be– all of the possibilities, will be shot down. I’m just not there yet, friend.
At this time, I do not feel like embracing the idea of moving, so let me have my moment.
Doesn’t matter that the place we are moving to might be better. I don’t want to. I’m comfortable.
What happened to that adventure-seeking side of me, you may ask. Oh, it’s still there, but having children changed it a little bit for me. I think about “roots” sometimes. Those people that grew up in some tiny town- where everyone knows everyone. Surrounded by family and friends they’ve known since grade school. Does that happen only in the movies. I have often wondered what it was like. Truth is, I spent most of my life wanting to leave, but our children really won’t have that choice.
It’s funny that now, the idea of leaving it all behind– to start over again- seems like pure torture. No, thank you.
Here are a few of the things that give me anxiety about moving (in no particular order):
Leaving all of our amazing friends behind. Having to put ourselves, and our children out there among strangers again (If they are not friends yet, they are strangers, right?). It never gets easier, even for me.
What if there’s nobody to invite to our children’s birthday parties.
Worrying that our children will never have roots, from moving around all of the time.
Why yes, it sure sounds fun to look for a brand new job that you know you may only work at for 2-3 years, if you’re lucky. NOT.
Having to find all new doctors.
Hoping you get lucky enough to love your kids new school.
And please, the entire experience of finding a new hairdresser is frightening. It is likely I will not get my hair done for quite sometime.
Finding a new gym you feel comfortable at.
Hoping you move into a home that’s as nice, or nicer than your last one. And that very few of your household items have been destroyed during the move. Lets face it, you will be filing a claim for something.
The sheer stress of learning your way around an entirely new area.
And one of the absolute worst things is feeling all of this and more, but trying to hide it from your children- because you really want to sell the move to them in a positive light.
Oh, don’t worry, most of us don’t stay in this phase forever. I won’t. But it’s not a subject that you will likely spend much time talking about with other military spouses. They’ve all been there. It’s not that they aren’t sympathetic. There is a certain “suck it up and move on” mentality. Believe me, I don’t want to hear it either. We will eventually get there. I’m just not there yet.
NOTE: This is part I of a series of blogs I will write. I’ve lived in my current city for four years. It was the last choice on our list. I learned so much. Most importantly, that it’s the people that make a place, especially when you surround yourself with the best ones. I worked really hard and went above and beyond to make the most of it for myself, as well as others. Follow my next PCS journey– coming this spring!
Emily.MolinaWrites 